Finding balance with God and whole grains

Kate calls me regularly to vent. She rants to me from her kitchen while Skype allows me the visual thrashing of her arms and gnashing of her teeth. My daughter’s life, like most of ours, is stressful. She has just begun a new school year in a classroom brimming with hopeful and hopelessly dependent first graders, and on top of that she and her husband bought a new lab puppy over the summer. I tell her that no amount of Prilosec is going to assuage the acid reflux she suffers as long as she cannot quiet her mind.

We discuss how, in fact, medical science has determined that one cannot separate mental and emotional health from physical well-being. Each of us has suffered the bodily reaction to stress, for instance; most everyone has felt her heart race while enduring a panic attack running late to an important meeting at work or a promise to a small child waiting on the curb. She understands it while racing home during her meager lunch hour to let little Abby out of her crate or when facing a parent whose child cannot control himself in the classroom.

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OCD may run in the family

You can stop compulsively channel surfing; on the heels of “The Biggest Loser” and “Hoarders” hails the latest in intervention reality shows, “Obsessed” – this one splashing on screen the sorrows of sufferers from OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

After my husband and I witnessed a commercial for the June 28 debut, he appeared unusually pensive.

“I may have a touch of that,” he hesitatingly confessed. “I count when I walk. But I don’t have to,” he added as an important distinction. I know of what I speak, being the mother of two daughters who for over five years have relied on prescription medication post therapy to keep them from ruminating in never-ending circular thought patterns.

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Exercise addiction shared by mother, daughter

“Mom, have you seen the infomercial for the Mari Winsor ACCELERATOR Pilates tape?” my toned and trim daughter asked me on the phone.  “I was tempted, and I knew you would be too.”

I had heard of the new addition to the collection of Pilates DVD’s this wonder woman developed.  But I had decided, quite practically, that it involved extra equipment and was too complicated; I was entirely satisfied with the Advanced Circle Pilates set.  I have accepted my body, just as it is—supplemented, that is, with a staggering heart rate and muscle toning routine, daily.  My name is Kathleen Clary Miller, and I am a workout-aholic.

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Grandbabies? No, grandpuppies

“The mama dog is pregnant!”  My daughter sang out with glee.  Our daily phone conversation that links her evening commute along the streets of Scottsdale, Arizona and my dinner preparation in the Huson, Montana kitchen was exceptionally celebratory.  At last, the anticipated puppy purchase was nigh.

“It’s my pretend baby girl, you know,” she pointed out—a psychological transference I’d already intuited since she has been married for nearly two years and visibly drools every time she so much as sees an empty stroller, let alone an infant in it.

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Walk, ski, snowshoe?

“I really want to try cross-country skiing!” pleaded my daughter moments after she’d picked up her bag. We were heading toward the airport terminal ladies’ room to change clothes so we could hike to the “M” and reward ourselves with sweet potato fries at Hob Nob on the “hip strip” in downtown Missoula.

I was game, having downhill skied throughout my lifetime, albeit not adeptly. I’d recently announced that I would never ski that way again. I’d been feeling my age and had sworn off virtually everything but walking, fishing, or pumping an elliptical trainer. Balance and coordination have never been my forte, but outdoor desire burns bright, I’d struggled with acting it out all my life, and now I imagined cross-country to be less harrowing a winter endeavor for one in her, ahem, late fifties. If I experimented with the technique-or lack thereof-with Katharine, I’d be safe from the embarrassment of falling and flailing in front of my peers who had heretofore invited me to come try it. This way, I could grow comfortably seasoned before next ski season!

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A mother’s marital advice

As a mother, I take great comfort in the assertion that my youngest – and rather dramatic, I might add – daughter has found her partner for life. Chris is patient, loves her unconditionally, and is truly her best friend. When they were dating, I watched for all the red flags; no worries, she is herself when they are together—no pretenses, no pretending.

Katharine and I are close. As is the case with her sister, we confide in each other like some sappy situation comedy series about a mother and adult daughter. I am well aware of the pros and cons to exercising such candor, and was reminded of just that when I answered the phone—rather late at night for our usual chat, it occurred to me as I lifted the receiver to my ear. Where was Chris?

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A simple plan; navigating a new life in a new place

My 22-year old daughter and I perched on the end of her Ikea mattress while staring up at the wall-hanging: a framed map of the Paris Metro dated 1974 when I had first traveled there. It was enormous, filling the entire wall space—the authentic charting of underground avenues that pulse through the City of Lights. And it was really all about these tunnels; the avenues and streets were only faintly visible while the lines of transportation beneath them were heavily outlined in red, green, black and blue.

“It’s a much easier way to get around,” my daughter spoke authoritatively as she gazed off into the warm air of her newly rented apartment.

She was living on the edge of Chinatown, a sudden shift from deep safety in the suburbs behind the “Orange Curtain.”

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Mother, daughter duel over sourdough

Every time my oldest daughter Clary visits from New York we bicker—over the sourdough bread.

Keep in mind she travels from one of the food capitals of the country; the Big Apple satiates every sort of appetite. And her sister who lives in Scottsdale subsists on Southwestern menus that are the envy of anyone here in Missoula. Despite hailing from gratuitous gastronome, they both exclaim not moments after our first repast, “The food in Missoula is so good!”

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Don’t get in the way of a daughter and her dog

I couldn’t wait to tell my oldest daughter, Clary, that we’d officially adopted a stray dog that had actually adopted us.

Kenzie—so named after my husband’s ancestral Scottish name MacKenzie—arrived on our back doorstep. She wore no collar, no tags, and was limping from her version of “The Incredible Journey” through the Ninemile woods.

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Babies and bulldogs

“Whatever you do, don’t get a dog yet!” This I admonished for the third or fourth time in a month.

My 25-year old daughter, Katharine, and I were talking on the phone while I cleaned up after, ahem…let’s call it the “intestinal disturbance” of one of three grown, trained canines that inhabit our house. Even highly educated German Shepherds can have accidents, especially while on pain medication with side effects. And with no warning.

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